I hate your face
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
