she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I cockslap morals
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
