I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
