can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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