Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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