i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
