My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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