So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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