I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
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Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
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That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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