So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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