All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
