If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
My balls are so social today.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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