matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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