dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
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Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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