You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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