Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
