i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Who died my cat blue again?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
