yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Pooping to opera.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
