My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Never underestimate the power of titties
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
