Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
