I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
