There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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