I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
