she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My feet surprised me
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