I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
The beer is more important than you right now.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
