Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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