If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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