youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just gift wrapped bread.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
