I think my vagina is haunted
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
