omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
