Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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