Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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