His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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