i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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