what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
