Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
