There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
