WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
