Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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