Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I would fuck him just for his dog
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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