Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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