I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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