It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
