He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
