I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize