break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
