I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
