ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
