Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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