I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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