yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Randomize
