he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
