She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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