so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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