Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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