some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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