I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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