I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
