My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
