He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm both gender and math confused
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
