Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
