I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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